I feel like I can barely process all that has been happening this past week. I have been here on the Blackfeet Reservation for one week. It feels like years. Years of spiritual growth, years of leadership challenges, years of maturity. I can only imagine what another two months will bring.
The last few days have been really challenging. I'm exhausted. From working 14-15 hour days, creating relationships out of thin air in a completely different culture, and trying desperately to care for my team when sometimes I just don't know how.
We lost a team member today. One of our staff made a courageous decision to return home to take care of some things that needed tending there. It was so sad to drop him off at the train station this morning and walk away as a group of three instead of a group of four. We went through our day as usual...but it was wierd. I know he made the right decision for himself, and I'm so happy that he did what is right for him...but it is still hard as the site leader to watch one of my staff leave. Did I do enough for him? Did I let him down? I guess I just have to trust that the Lord's plans are good and faithful, and that He walked with me through the whole process...which I felt Him do. Still...it's hard.
This is definetly going to be one of those experience that drastically changes me. This job is so hard. So hard that I cannot do it. And that is what makes it so good. To walk lean on the Lord minute by minute and feel the honor of partnering with Him in something so much bigger than anything I could do on my own.
"We know that suffering produces perserverence; perserverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us." ~Paul
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You are obviously doing a fantastic job if after only a week your team members feel comfortable enough around you to tell you what is truly right for them and to follow through with it! Good work Molls, and wowza...I can't believe it snowed! Jax would love it! = )
ReplyDeleteHey Mols, Sounds like you are working through some tuff stuff. Did I mention that being an adult is not as glamorous as it sounds, sorry.
ReplyDeleteI have seen you work through challenging times before and come out the other side grateful for the experience and wiser. Remember the first few days with Zippy, oh my! I know you feel God's presence, I hope you feel mine too, how much I love you and miss you and how proud I am of you. You are an amazing person. You are a blessing to all those people. I love you, Mom. * Don't forget to carry the bear spray with you at all times!